When Your Core Values Collide: When "Doing it All" Isn't an Option
I am typically a person biased toward action. But a few days ago, I was completely paralyzed by a decision.
My daughter was invited to compete in Boston, which meant I needed to drive her there. The problem? That same day, I had a training session scheduled with my team—something I’d been building for weeks and was incredibly excited about.
I love my work in HR, especially creating spaces for growth. But I am also a mother. I found myself stuck in a puzzle: do I deliver the training from a noisy hotel room, do I reschedule, or is there a third way?
I wasn't just "undecided." I was stuck.
The Discovery
I’ve been on a journey of self-discovery, and I’ve learned that when my reactions surprise me, there is usually a "why" underneath. When I sat with the discomfort, I realized I wasn't just stressed about a schedule. I was watching my two strongest personal values go to war: Reliability and Doing Things Well.
Reliability: If I say I’m going to be there, I’m there. My word is my bond.
Doing Things Well: If I’m going to do it, it has to be excellent. I don't do "half-way."
I didn’t want to reschedule because it felt unreliable. But I didn’t want to host the training from a hotel room because I knew the quality would suffer. I was trapped between two versions of my own integrity.
Navigating the Gray Space
To get unstuck, I had to go back to the fundamental question: What is the ultimate purpose here?
The goal of the training was to create a positive impact and facilitate real growth for my team. When I looked at it through that lens, the answer became clear. Delivering a poor-quality session just to say I "showed up" actually compromised the mission more than moving the date did.
So, I rescheduled.
The Lesson for Us All
This happens in offices every day. We see teams torn between a deadline (Reliability) and a quality issue (Excellence). We see managers torn between being honest about bad news (Transparency) and protecting team spirit (Care).
When your values pull you in two different directions:
Identify them. Name the two values that are fighting.
Check the mission. Which value serves the ultimate goal in this specific moment?
Choose. Don't apologize for being human.
The training was eventually held, and it was beautiful. My daughter had an amazing experience in Boston. Sometimes, the "gray space" isn't a sign of failure—it’s just where we learn how to lead ourselves.
When was the last time your values sat you down and forced you to choose? How did you find your way through?