5 Steps to process difficult emotions.

As humans, we have the privilege of experiencing a variety of emotions. Some, like happiness, joy, love, surprise, curiosity, and excitement, bring us pleasure. When we encounter these feelings, we often wish we could hold onto them forever.

But what happens when we experience uncomfortable emotions? Who can say they "enjoy" feeling guilt or frustration?

Uncomfortable emotions make us cringe and run for the hills. Often, these emotions trigger thoughts we would rather not revisit. We suddenly feel threatened, and our primitive brain responds by entering fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode.

Is there a way to make experiencing uncomfortable feelings easier?

I have discovered a method to improve how I process difficult emotions, inspired, oddly enough, by the German fairy tale "Rumpelstiltskin."

Here is a summary of the story for those unfamiliar with it:

In 'Rumpelstiltskin, "a mysterious gnome-like man spins straw into gold to aid a beautiful miller’s daughter in exchange for her future firstborn child. When the young woman, now the queen, bears her first child, the little man reappears to demand his payment. After pleading with him, he gives her three days to guess his name as a condition to release her from the vow. All seems lost until someone overhears him joyously celebrating his impending fortune, thus providing the queen with the information she needs to keep her child.”

(Source: Editors of Encyclopedia Britannica (2016, May 31). Rumpelstiltskin. Encyclopedia Britannica. [https://www.britannica.com/topic/Rumpelstiltskin])

The miller’s daughter was facing death, but the little man’s intervention not only saved her life but also led her to become queen.

You might wonder, "How can uncomfortable emotions benefit me?" These emotions often serve as reactions to circumstances that touch upon unhealed wounds from our childhood or "origin."

Vienna Pharaon addresses these wounds in her bestseller, “The Origins of You: How Breaking Family Patterns Can Liberate the Way We Live and Love”. According to Pharaon, wounds can relate to issues of worthiness, belonging, prioritization, trust, and safety.

According to Pharaon, wounds could be one or more of the following: Worthiness Belonging, Prioritization, Trust, and Safety. When one of these wounds is triggered, the associated uncomfortable emotion acts as an alarm, allowing us the opportunity to recognize and address it. By approaching our wounds with curiosity and compassion, we move closer to healing them.

Returning to the fairy tale, as the stakes increase with the little man's demand for the queen's firstborn, emotions similarly can overwhelm us, much like a towering wave. In the tale, the queen frees herself and her child by learning the little man’s name. Similarly, identifying and naming our emotions can be key to navigating and managing them effectively.

Here are the 5 steps that can help you process uncomfortable emotions:

1. Stop what you’re doing, take a deep breath, and notice the sensations in your body. Where do you feel it? As a rapid heartbeat? A clenched jaw? Heavy shoulders or a closed fist?

2. Write or verbalize the sensations you feel. Example: "My heart is beating fast, I am short of breath, and I am grinding my teeth."

3. Name the emotion or emotions you're feeling. Examples include anger, anxiety, disappointment, embarrassment, fear, frustration, grief, shame, guilt, regret, sadness, etc.

4. Write or say the emotion out loud. Example: “I feel overwhelmed.”

5. Recognize that, like a passing wave, the emotion will begin to subside. Once you feel more like yourself, explore why the triggering experience affected you. Is there an underlying wound that might need attention?

Brene Brown’s “Atlas of the heart: mapping meaningful connection and the language of human experience” presents a fascinating list and research on these emotions.

Difficult emotions are not inherently bad; they serve a purpose in your life. Although you may not control their onset, you have the choice of how to respond. Changing your perspective on their significance can transform your experience. Instead of being overwhelmed by emotions and regretting impulsive reactions, view them as opportunities for self-discovery. An improved version of yourself awaits.

Embrace, hold, and then release the next "Rumpelstiltskin" you encounter.